


I Will Keep You Safe

by a1_kitkat



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malex, Nightmares, Not Beta Read, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, s01e07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 11:43:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18093647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: Written for @theredandwhitequeen on tumblrAlex suffers PTSD & goes to Michael for comfort





	I Will Keep You Safe

Alex bolted upright in bed, his heart was beating rapidly to the point that he placed his hand upon his chest to ensure it didn’t pound right out of his body. He reached up with his other hand and ran it through his hair; disturbed the layer of cold sweat that had formed on his brow.

He stayed like that for some time, just counting the beats of his heart until he was sure his heart rate was slowly to something resembling normal. He adjusted the pillows behind him so he could remain upright for when he closed his eyes, there was a bright flash and he opened them again.

 

He knew this was normal, well sort of normal. The doctors had told him to expect stuff like this to happen, like after the incident first occurred but he hadn’t been this bad in months. Nothing had happened to him recently to stir up these memories... Nothing similar to that anyway. The only traumatic event to happen lately was his walking away from Michael. Oh and finding that fragment of alien-like stuff. He wasn’t even sure what it was but it was safely tucked away in a box beneath the bed.

 

Alex reached for the light then for the box under the bed. He’d placed several insignificant things on top of it but, once again, the fragment reacted to his touch and he sat, staring at it.

There was another flash in his mind and he put it back in the box.

 

He wasn’t exactly sure when his nightmares had started again. Was it before he’d found this or after? His first night terror had been after he’d left Michael alone at the drive in. He was pretty sure of it... but were they all connected?

Alex scoffed at himself and shoved the box back under the bed, turned the light off and settled back under the covers. He, once again, counted the beats of his heart until he drifted back to sleep.

 

But he awoke barely an hour later from a very lucid dream where he was in Michael’s bed in his airstream and Michael had been doing unseemly things to him. His body had reacted to every look, every touch, every kiss.

Even now, his body was reacting to the phantom of Michael in his dream.

Alex cursed in frustration. Another sign of PTSD that was more embarrassing than anything else. Even assurances about that side effect still didn’t always comfort him.

 

There was nothing more he could do now, sleep wasn’t going to be his friend tonight so he climbed out of bed and threw himself into the shower, hoped the cold water would make him feel better.

 

*

 

In the harsh light of day, his night terrors were the last thing on his mind. He had more pressing things to worry about; like his friends, his job, Kyle. He wasn’t even going to think about Michael.

 

But today was Saturday and Liz desperately needed a kick up the rear. So Alex put her in her place and they spent the day with Maria and Mimi.

By that evening, Alex’s head was spinning. He had so many questions for Mimi but it was too late to ask and he, once again, found himself sitting on his bed with the weird fragment in the box in front of him. He couldn’t bring himself to touch it, not after Mimi’s warning but he couldn’t stop staring at it either.

 

Alex tried to stay awake, kept looking at the fragment without touching it and replaying Mimi’s words again and again. She believed something ‘not of this world’ had changed his father and Jim Valenti. Could this be the thing? Was that why Jim had hidden it in the hunting cabin?

He found a pen and paper and started to write down all the questions he had. Maybe he should talk to someone about it... Kyle? Michael?

No, he was a smart person, if he talked to anyone about this, they’d have him committed or write it off as another ptsd symptom.

 

He pushed himself to stay awake, not ready for another restless night of night terrors and nightmares but his eyes began to droop and he slowly nodded off.

Barely twenty minutes later, he was, once again, awakened in a cold sweat. His entire body was trembling, heart pounding, cock rock hard.

 

Alex groaned in frustration and reached for his crutch. It was three in the morning but he knew there was only one place he could go. Only one person he wanted to see. He just hoped they wanted to see him.

 

*

 

Michael was sitting outside the airstream with a beer in hand, just staring at the flames in front of him.

It hadn’t been a good day.

From Max’s harsh words to Isobel being taken away then Maria’s breakdown in front of him... he wasn’t in a good place.

 

When he heard the car pull up behind him, he didn’t shift his gaze from the flames. He wasn’t in the mood for anymore of Max’s crap. His words had stung, deeper than he’d expected them too. Max had known about him and Alex all these years and had chosen now to throw it in his face.

This, on top of Isobel being locked up, was just too much for him.

 

“Not now, Max” Michael threw over his shoulder “I’m not in the mood for your crap. Not tonight”

He knew he was being harsh; Max had been the one to take Isobel away, to lock her up, for her own good, it obviously hurt Max a lot more than it hurt Michael.

“I don’t want to talk about Alex either”

 

“Well I do”

 

It wasn’t Max’s voice. Michael stood up and spun around, he was beyond shocked to see Alex standing before him.

 

“Alex” he greeted him “you look like crap”

“I feel like crap” Alex replied as he moved towards the fire and sank down into one of the lawn chairs.

Michael noticed the way Alex flinched as he sat down.

 

He sat down himself and held out a beer which Alex declined. Michael continued to watch, his eyes scanned every inch of Alex’s appearance. He really did look exhausted.

 

“You don’t want to talk about me?” Alex asked, not looking at Michael but at the flame between them.

“I thought you were Max”

“Of course, who else would show up at your door in the middle of the night”

“It’s been a really long day and...” he paused “Max knew about us”

He saw the way Alex’s fingers curled into a fist.

“How?”

“I don’t know... He just knew... I’m sorry”

“You’re sorry?”

“I know you didn’t want anyone to know about us”

 

Michael dared to look up into Alex’s eyes and could see he was blinking back tears. He put his drink aside, got to his feet and made his way over to him. Michael dropped to his knees, placed his hand on Alex’s knee and looked into his tear-filled eyes.

 

“What are you doing here, Alex?” He whispered.

“Couldn’t sleep” Alex confessed as he placed his hand on top of Michael’s.

“Why are you still awake?”

“I couldn’t sleep either”

“I... I’ve been having trouble sleeping for awhile now... ever since...”

 

Alex leaned forward in the seat and reached for Michael’s other hand. Fingers entwined, they just stared at each other.

 

A sound in the far distance reached Alex’s ears and his eyes widened in fear. He didn’t even think as he threw himself into Michael’s arms, knocked the other man on his ass.

After the initial shock, Michael collected himself and wrapped his arms around Alex in a tight embrace. He could feel the soldier trembling in his arms and softly rubbed his hand up and down his back in a soothing gesture.

 

“It’s okay” Michael assured him “once a week a bunch of yahoos come out here and shoot cans”

“You could’ve warned me”

“I don’t notice it anymore”

“Pretty pathetic, huh? A soldier afraid of gunfire”

“You went through Hell over there. You’re not afraid of gunfire... You’re still in shock”

“The Doctors said I have uncomplicated ptsd... there’s nothing uncomplicated about it”

 

Michael continued to run his hand up and down Alex’s back while Alex reached up and grasped Michael’s shirt in his fist, clinging so tightly his knuckles turned white.

Michael brought his other hand up and placed it over Alex’s. His touch caused Alex to loosen his grip just a touch.

 

“It’s okay” Michael whispered “I’ve got you”

“I’m sorry”

He placed his hand upon Alex’s chin and urged him to look up, to meet his gaze.

“Don’t ever be sorry” Michael told him.

“Guerin-“

 

Michael placed his finger upon Alex’s lips to stop him from arguing. The tears were still present in his eyes.

“I don’t want to be like this” Alex whispered.

 

He wrapped his arms around Alex, pulled him close and cradled him in his embrace, surprised to feel his body still trembling despite how desperately he was clinging to Michael.

 

“What can I do?” Michael asked, his fingers caressed Alex’s cheek. “How can I help you?”

“Just... I....” Alex paused then blinked in confusion. “I’m sorry”

 

Alex started to extract himself from Michael’s arms. It was no easy feat as Michael was very reluctant to let him go. They separated and Alex struggled to his feet, leaving Michael sitting in the dirt.

 

“I’m sorry” Alex said more confidently this time “I... I shouldn’t have come here”

Michael scrambled to his feet and reached for Alex’s arm.

“But you did” he stated “you came here for a reason”

“I... I...”

 

Michael took a step closer, into Alex’s personal space and took hold of his hand.

“Alex” Michael began “I’m here, I will always be here for you. Just tell me what you need and-“

“I need you”

 

Alex choked on these three words as the tears slid down his cheeks.

“I haven’t... I can’t sleep” he sobbed “I wake up in a cold sweat and... and I just... I can’t shake it... Can’t stop it... I... I wake up and I find myself reaching for you but you’re not there”

 

Michael reached up and placed both hands on Alex’s cheeks, cupped his face, cradled so tenderly. Tears had formed in his own eyes.

“I’m here” he insisted “I’m right here, right now”

“I haven’t slept the night through since our last night together in your trailer”

“That’s why you stayed?”

“You... you keep me safe”

 

Michael’s heart was racing as he leaned closer, pressed their foreheads together. Tears filled his own eyes, he’d never succeeded in keeping Alex safe before. He hadn’t protected him from his father, hadn’t been able to keep him from a war zone.

 

“I’m scared to close my eyes at night” Alex said very softly. Michael brushed the tears from his cheeks.

 

Then Alex pulled away and stared into Michael’s eyes. He took a step back then another and started towards the airstream, taking Michael’s hand in his they made their way inside.

Neither of them spoke as they stripped off their jackets, pants and shoes. Alex dropped down on the bed, Michael knelt before him and gently eased the prosthetic from his leg before carefully placing it aside.

 

Their eyes locked; Michael stood up and started back towards the door but Alex reached out and grabbed his hand.

 

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“The fire pit” Michael explained.

“It’ll put itself out”

So Michael closed the door and climbed onto the bed, wrapped his arms around Alex and held him close. He was still shaking so Michael pulled the blanket over him but Alex shook his head and pulled Michael’s arm tighter around himself.

 

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Michael asked him.

 

He couldn’t see Alex’s face, couldn’t read his expression.

“I spent the day with Liz, Maria and Mimi” Alex confessed “it was just like old times but...” he paused “between you and me... Mimi’s not well and it’s... it’s heartbreaking”

 

Michael entwined their fingers as he remembered the way Maria had broken down in the bar earlier. He’d never seen her like that, hadn’t known what to do to help her.

 

“I know” he admitted “I saw Maria tonight after... After the day I had, I needed a drink and she needed a friend”

“You were with Maria?” Alex asked but this time he didn’t appear to tense.

“She needed a shoulder to cry on”

“And you gave her yours”

“Of course I did”

 

Alex turned and looked at Michael with yet another emotion in his eyes.

“She told us not to stay but I knew she shouldn’t be alone”

“She wasn’t... I promise, she wasn’t alone”

 

Alex sighed with relief and closed his eyes. Michael reached up and touched his cheek, his fingers gently caressing his skin.

He watched as Alex drifted off to sleep but Michael stayed awake the rest of the night, watching and waiting. Alex didn’t stir, not once.

Michael held him close, tenderly stroked his hair. He thought of all that had happened that day, how the one thing that could have made it better was now in his bed beside him. He smiled to himself and vowed to keep his promise.

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek.

 

”I promise” he whispered “I will keep you safe”

 


End file.
